Gypsies, Lawyers, & Thieves

Like the rest of the world I am an Ebayster. I am also in the smaller minority who occasionally sells junk memorabilia to the unsuspecting. A couple years ago I sold a 1979 300 baud Hayes Modem. My first sell. Based on my amazement at finding someone who would actually buy this thing I proceeded to march onward with an early 80s 1200 baud Hayes modem, the trailer lighting harness for a '91 Ford Aerostar and miscellaneous other items that should have long been in the landfill.

Once or twice a year I get a notice in the mail that I am a member of some class action suit.  Although I usually glance at these, I generally don't pay much attention.  After all how excited can I get when I read that my cell phone company has settled for many millions of dollars and while the lawyers take is some number of millions, my take is a 25¢ earphone that broke the second time I used it.

I don't remember getting a notice that I was a member of an EBay class action suit.  But as these things take several millennia to resolve, it's also possible that the part of my brain that saw it has been soaking in formaldehyde for a couple years.  For example, awhile back I received some wadding in the mail from my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather's inclusion in a class action suit against a musket manufacturer for firing failures that occurred during the battle of Trenton.

In early December I received a check that was my portion of the settlement of a class action suit against EBay.  I didn't know what it was for so I searched for yingling vs ebay inc and found the class action site.  There I found a document addressing the lawyer's fees.  So if I understand this, the settlement was $30,000,000.00.  The lawyers get $7,500,000.00 plus expenses.

So what do I get?  Not a dime.  Not a nickel.  But yes dear reader, I get one 3 billionth of the settlement.  I received a check for 1¢.

So what am I to do with that?  A few days later I drove by the bank but didn't stop.  It has to cost more than a penny to drive in to the parking lot, park, restart my engine, and return back to the route I was traveling.  Worse; I was under a time constraint.  Look closely at that cheque (for 1¢ I really should use the more high-falutin across the pond speeling).  Or if you are an internet savvy user cleck on the picture to magically expand it.  I have to dispose of the cheque by 22-December or I stand to lose the entire amount.  I'm not sure what that will do to my retirement fund but it can't be good.

Finally I had an excuse to go to the bank.  I have been scanning documents such as birth certificates, the deed to the house, etc and returning them to the safe deposit box.  I had a bunch to go back to the bank.  Plus spousy wanted to visit the Staples next door to buy a new appointment calendar so I managed to get to the bank with one day to spare.

But I have a new strategy.  When I get notice of a class action suit, I will drop out of the class.  I'm hoping that will reduce the settlement just a little bit.  If lots of us do that, the settlement will be less.  Maybe instead of lawyers getting those millions, the company will have more money to spend on lower prices, better service, or something that I actually benefit from.  I'll consider staying in the class if I actually think the defendant company has engaged in truly egregious behavior but as long as the lawyers make millions and I get squat, there isn't much reason to stay in the class of suckers litigants.